Perfectionism is a double-edged sword. On one hand, it can motivate you to perform at a high level and deliver top-quality work. On the other hand, it can cause you unnecessary anxiety and slow you down. How can you harness the positives of your perfectionism while mitigating the negatives? What measures or practices can you use to keep your perfectionism in check? Should you enlist the help of others?
What the Experts Say
âA lot of perfectionistic tendencies are rooted in fear and insecurity,â says Matt Plummer, founder of Zarvana, the online coaching service that helps workers become more productive. âMany perfectionists worry that if they let go of their [meticulousness and conscientiousness], it will hurt their performance and standing.â And so they cling to their perfectionism even when itâs counterproductive. If this describes you, take heart. Reining in your perfectionistic propensities is not as hard as it sounds. âItâs about rechanneling a strength of yours rather than aiming for a lower goal.â Your aim is to take âsome of the pressure off yourself,â says Alice Boyes, a former clinical psychologist and author of The Healthy Mind Toolkit and The Anxiety Toolkit. Of course thatâs easier said than done. But the fact remains, âif you genuinely want to be a high achiever, youâre bound to do some things imperfectly.â Here are some ideas of how to let go of your penchant for perfectionism.
See the big picture
As any perfectionist will tell you, being perfect isnât easy. Your diligence âtakes a lot of effort,â and your attention to detail is âincredibly time-consuming,â says Plummer. Of course, as a perfectionist youâre never going to aim for merely adequate â nor should you. But you must also ârecognize the opportunity cost and timeâ of your behavior. âAsk yourself: Am I using my time wisely? Am I being productive?â He recommends focusing on âmaximizing the impactâ of your work. âYou can spend an extra three hours making a presentation perfect, but does that improve the impact for the client or your organization?â Boyes concurs. âShift your mindset,â she says. Youâre going to be âless perfect about some things, so you can concentrate on whatâs important.â If youâre continuing to tinker on an assignment that most others would consider complete, try to ârecognize that just getting it doneâ is a decent goal. âThereâs a point of diminishing returnsâ when it comes to sweating the small stuff and nitpicking niggling details.
Adjust your standards
Managing your perfectionism also requires you to âcalibrate your standards,â says Plummer. Say, for example, youâre grinding out an important memo for your organization. He suggests showing your efforts to a colleague or supervisor early in the process. You may discover itâs âalready good enoughâ and âthat task you thought could take 10 hours could really take only five.â Donât be shy or embarrassed. âItâs your first draft,â says Boyes. And even if you need to continue to work on it, the âfeedback you receive will help you improve.â Keep in mind, too, that this memo neednât be worthy of a Pulitzer. âWhat youâre saying doesnât have to be the final word, it just has to contribute something useful.â
Create a checklist
The pursuit of perfection is a bit like wandering on an aimless journey, says Plummer. âYou keep walking and walking, but youâre not sure that youâre getting any closer to your destination,â he says. Similarly, âa perfectionist is always going to want to keep working [on a given assignment.] But the end result is rarely satisfying.â So, rather than toil âin search of this amorphous goal of perfection,â he recommends, âcreating a checklistâ for each task. Say, for instance, youâre working on an important client pitch. The perfectionist in you might fret over the font choice and sweat every semi-colon. But with a checklist that reminds you to confirm youâve spelled things correctly and to eliminate basic editing errors, you neednât endlessly slog. âYouâre following a process with discrete and measurable goals,â he says. Once youâve ticked off the items on your list, âyouâre done.â
Break the cycle of rumination
Many perfectionists have a proclivity to ruminate â repetitively mulling over a thought or problem without ever coming to a resolution. âItâs related to anxiety,â says Boyes. People who ruminate tend to be âless forgiving of themselves.â Itâs unhealthy, and itâs unproductive. âDonât confuse ruminating with problem-solving.â Instead look for ways to disrupt the cycle.
- Identify your triggers. The first step in conquering this habit is to âlearn to recognize when youâre ruminating,â says Boyes. Figure out what sets you off. Make note of the situation: where you are, the time of day, and whoâs around. âFind your consistent patterns,â then think about ways you might steer clear of or control those factors.
- Donât trust your first reaction. If youâre dwelling on a past event, such as an interaction with a colleague, be cautious. You might not have an accurate read of the situation, says Boyes. When you ruminate, âyou tend to focus on all the bad things,â she says. âSo you canât trust what your ruminating mind is telling you.â Try hard to get perspective and give yourself time and distance before taking action. You might be âblowing it out of proportion.â
- Seek a diversion. âDistractions are useful,â says Boyes. âDo something that is cognitively absorbing but thatâs also tedious and doesnât induce anxiety, such as filling out an expense report.â Often spending just 10 minutes on a mundane but practical task like that âbreaks the chainâ and keeps you from âspinning your wheels.â
- Think positive. Ruminating often leads to âavoidanceâ of certain tasks, notes Boyes. âThereâs a feeling of, âIf I canât do it perfectly I wonât bother,ââ she says. To combat this idea, she recommends reflecting on times in your past when you tried something new. âThink about the successes youâve had,â she says. By reminding yourself of the pathways that led to your accomplishments, youâll be able to see that you achieved a meaningful outcome despite not being â100% certain of successâ in advance. This helps you âlearn from your experiences,â she says.
Get perspective
You may find it âhelpful to talk to someone about your tendencies,â says Boyes. That person could be âa boss whoâs willing to engage with you emotionally, a friend, sibling, mentor, or spouse.â Be honest and open. Tell this person that youâre working on getting better. âSay, âI give you permission to let me know if Iâm being too fussy/high maintenance/finickyââ about a given topic. Make it clear that you want to hear how you come across. âSay, âI may get defensive, but I promise to think about what you say.ââ And be sure to make good on that pledge.
Monitor your progress
As youâre working on moderating your perfectionist tendencies, Boyes recommends undertaking âa weekly reviewâ in which you reflect on your progress. Try to get some âpsychological distanceâ and ask yourself, âWas there anything I avoided this week due to fear of making mistakes? Were there any instances where my perfectionism was not worth it? Were there any times this week when I took action, even when I felt uncertain, and ended up moving things forward?â Your objective, says Plummer, is to âlearn where perfectionism has a positive impact and where it does not.â Remember, youâre not fundamentally âchanging courseâ; rather, youâre, âredirecting your personality.â
Principles to Remember
Do
- Learn to recognize the point of diminishing returns when youâre aiming to complete a task perfectly. Sometimes just getting it done is a worthy goal.
- Reflect on your progress. Identify examples of when you successfully moderated your perfectionist tendencies.
- Calibrate your standards. Oftentimes what youâre writing or saying doesnât have to be the final word, it just has to contribute something useful.
Donât
- Mistake ruminating for problem solving. When your mind is twisting and turning, seek out distractions to break the cycle.
- Toil in pursuit of an amorphous goal of perfection. Create a checklist that ensures you follow a process with measurable targets.
- Go it alone. Ask others â a trusted colleague, friend, or mentor â for perspective and support.
Case Study #1: Shift your mindset and get comfortable with imperfection
In the past, Stacy Caprioâs perfectionism led her to avoid certain tasks. âI never wanted to start something unless I knew exactly how to do it,â she says. âIt was a roadblock. It literally stopped me from doing new things.â
Earlier in her career, she worked for an online marketing agency. One of her tasks was to add tracking tags to client websites, which would allow her organization to gather more information about their customersâ revenue and sales.
Stacy had never added a tag before and was petrified of doing it wrong. âI wanted my work to be good, and I wanted to be seen as doing a good job,â she says. âI didnât want to mess up.â
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Instead of trying and risking imperfection, Stacy busied herself with email, building ad sets, and working on other marketing campaigns.
Her avoidance of the task didnât keep her from ruminating on it, though. âI thought about it constantly,â she says. âEvery time I have something new to do, it doesnât go away for me. It was at the top of my to-do list.â
Still, she couldnât force herself to try. She realized a shift in mindset was in order. âTo get this in check, I needed to make it clear to myself that getting it done was more important than making it perfect.â
The turning point came when she happened upon a series of blogs by published authors. âWriters talked about that first step of getting a draft on paper,â she says. âThe first draft is usually terrible. But then they go back and edit and rework it.â
Learning more about the writing process helped her gain perspective on her situation. âI had to give myself permission to know that the first one was not going to be great; it might not even work,â she says. âBut I will get better.â
Eventually, she plucked up her courage and took a shot. Her first one was fine; her second one was an improvement. Her third attempt was great.
Today Stacy is her own boss. She runs a website devoted to inspiring side hustles, her.ceo. She has learned many lessons about battling her perfectionist demons. âJust because I think something is perfect doesnât mean it is,â she says. âI likely need feedback from others, especially customers, so that I can change the product over time to keep making it better.â
Case Study #2: Seek support and perspective and focus on the big picture
Flame Schoeder, a professional certified coach based in Omaha, Nebraska, admits she is a ârecovering perfectionist.â While her perfectionism has helped her excel professionally, it has also contributed to feelings of insecurity.
Earlier in her career, for instance, she noticed that she sometimes had the tendency to âfreeze upâ when talking to clients. âIâd get so in my head,â she says. âIâd have something to say and then Iâd think, âThatâs not a smart enough or insightful enough comment,â and so I wouldnât say it.â
A similar thing happened when she had a big client proposal to write. Beginning the project was hard because she âhad a ton of self-doubt.â
The solution: âI realized that all I needed to do was ask for help,â she says.
Flame discovered that reaching out to a friend or colleague and âtalking through ideasâ helps her see that she does indeed have something to offer. Now she does this every time sheâs having difficulty getting a project under way. âIt needs to be someone who knows that I am a perfectionist and knows that I get stuck,â she says. âThey give me the solid ground and the creative energy to start moving.â
Colleagues also give her perspective on her work. Recently, she was working with a team on a marketing pitch for a restaurant brand. The pitch was for a new client, so âthere was some uncertaintyâ about what this client would like or dislike.
Flame and another colleague â a fellow perfectionist â hemmed and hawed over the proposal. âPerfectionists tend to focus on what needs to be fixed and we negate everything thatâs good,â she says. âThe two of us went over and over the details and reworked things.â
Finally, Flame asked her colleague a critical question: Is this pitch good enough for the client? âAnd we both had an âah-ha momentâ that it was,â she says.
They submitted the pitch, and the client loved it. âThe client never saw that anything was missing,â she says. âThey saw the creativity, the polish, and the finesse.â
This approval was a powerful signal to Flame. âI try to remind myself that I am not dealing with life-or-death situations. Itâs just marketing.â
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This article was originally posted at https://hbr.org/2019/04/how-to-manage-your-perfectionism
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